I'm tired of hearing things like this. I can't wait until the robots take over and there are no longer humans working in restaurants.

Don't ask questions if you aren't prepared for the answer.

To be fair, I wouldn't trust knives to the stoned teenagers working at my local Subway…

I understand that Peter Parker is a superhero with spider strength and can climb on walls or whatever, but how is it possible that none of these villains kills him? Are they simply that inept? One guy, so far as I can tell from the crappy looking trailer, is MADE OUT OF ELECTRICITY. Just electrocute the fucker…

"(Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay" is one of my go-to "I Am Going to Be a Loner And Feel Melancholy About Things" songs. Just beautiful.

They're all playing Bob Dylan?

It also helps that it's uncensored and has no laugh track.

Sure you'll get over it. It was a two minute long commercial, thus meaning you will probably never see it again (unless they do a truncated version, which is possible, I suppose). Within a week, you'll have found something new to never get over.

I loved Pogs back when I was in fourth-ish grade, but so did everybody at my elementary school. They were so popular that they were banned because we were always taking them out during class. I seem to remember there being Pog championships(?) and actual adults being into them, too. The early 90's were a dark, dark…

Ooh, sorry, kid, sorry. I'm not used to the laughter of children. It cuts through me like a dentist drill. But no, no, that was funny, that was funny taking away my dignity like that, ha ha ha

Remember Alf? He's back, in POG form.

Like I've always said, never entrust your dirty work to somebody with the name Tarn.

Didn't Christian Bale just shove Aaron Eckhart into a closet? Or am I misremembering that? Given that it was a fundraiser for Harvey Dent, The Joker had to know that he was around there somewhere. I suppose dude was psycho enough to become gleefully sidetracked by homicidal clown rage laughter when he saw Batman…

It was just vapor lock.

The amount of time it would take a pitcher to actually become serviceable at hitting just isn't worth it.

That sounds like the worst episode of television ever.

With all of the mice that Hannibal Lector was playing games with, it's no wonder that eventually the Will Graham mouse caught him. Because mice catch cats when they escape the games the cats play? Goddamnit, the inner-logic of the joke collapses on itself. Fuck this.

Eh, crappy movies get made by the dozens, many of which are going to gross millions of dollars (which this won't). It will be released to theaters, make no money, then quietly slip to Netflix and Red Box for you to contemplate watching after you've become stoned/drunk enough for that to seem like a worthwhile idea.

Please give somebody in the art department a raise. That picture now exists in the world.

More corpses for the train wreck that is this movie.