Missing:

Either the house is staged, or Hinkie organizes his books by spine color. We all know what the real answer is.

To be fair, this was against the 2017 Mets, which means it should count like a feat in AAA.

Wrong. That’s the fans during the games.

So that’s where it is!

Not surprising given Qatar, but no clitoris.

That’s because Gerald R. Ford is cool and popular now. Or did you not know that?

4th best offense in baseball, at 5.05 runs per game. Too bad all the pitchers caught leprosy and the bubonic plague.

Relationships can get messy when you throw a #rallydildo into the middle of them. Oh wait, that wasn’t Harvey?

Ah yes, Anne Snyder, director of the “Character Initiative,” graduate of the monstrous Wheaton College, which fired a professor for saying Muslims and Christians share the same god. Good to see she and Brooks are living their values.

Did he earn it? Or was it a ... present?

Wait, you’re telling me that $200 million is LESS than $1,300,000,000. GTFOH!

I’m not sure I caught that take. <—Does this count as a “commenting move”?

Jeb is perfect for the anemic Marlins crowds. “Please clap.”

Also, IT FUCKING NEEDS WIFI TO MAKE JUICE.

Another gem from that story: it takes TWO MINUTES to squeeze a glass of juice out of the bag.

Brings new meaning to the term “road beef”

Ha, beat me to it. I was going to say, oh sure, that’s not a catch but this is a home run?!?!?!?

“We specifically stopped here for a day to do the Rocky steps,this being the epitome of Philadelphia—the Rocky tour.”

They promised themselves they wouldn’t get involved in the bidding, made a pact not to waste money, vowing not to give into the NFL’s entreaties. A smart pledge, right? I swear, and it’s not blasphemous, those Thursday night games are the worst.