Also, why does Tim Pawlenty keep coming to my house with a gun and threatening my family?

True fact: Tim Thomas has spent more time in Sweden than August Strindberg.

a thinly-veiled excuse to round up some celebrities

"The Machine"? Fuck the machine! What is this, courtesy class? You're fucked, Pat. Are you fucking nuts?

The last time a Canadian was treated so disrespectfully, Alan Thicke was mistaken for a valet.

Boy people really missed what you were trying to do here, huh?

The last time there was such a scene at a funeral, it was the mid-90s and I went to get a haircut before my grandfather's service. Well, being young and wanting to be trendy, I naturally asked for "The Rachel". When my mother saw me she cried and screamed "But you are a boy!!" and then my father punched a hole in the…

Dick Jauron: I really don't know anything about football except for the fact that touchdowns how you score points and sometimes you kick the ball.

The subway is the worst for it. The E train below 14th st becomes like a dining car in hell.

People who eat on public transportation are the worst. I want to throw their food out the window and let them know they are rude and then stab them.

Time heals all wounds, man.

Holy shit, did Obama just mention MKM is the Ultimate Bastard as an example of American ingenuity?

When he mentions John Kerry's wonderful performance in Mask.

Yeah, that's not true.

I know next to nothing about Indie music, but I love the shit out of you.

I am going to go out there and I am going to play me.

Welcome to another reader deciding your columns aren't worth any more than attention getting headlines.

You also get a picture of a clipper if you google "Robert Wagner Natalie Wood Sex Christopher Walken."

I'm naked, and still very, very drunk and naked.

+1 boondoggle