"We're not asking him to go 100 percent all the time, as fast as he can possibly go at every single moment. Because not everybody does." —Matt Williams

I agree 95% percent of bandits know the "code", you run, but you don't take a medal you don't take the swag at the finish (unless you NEED it), however you do get to clog up some whiny girl's MarathonFoto feed.

"Wait, all he did with this girl was give her a hug? Gomez continues to disrespect the game." - Mark Sanchez

"Not at all."

replace 'you don't really care' with 'you're dead inside'

Unless we are going to use this information to round up and orderly dispose of Yankees fans in "camps," what is the point except to show that people are unimaginative provincial front runners?

An alternative name for this map:

I figured the Mets were trying to surrender.

So if you take a whiz there, there's a 50/50 chance some dumbass bureaucrat will want to drain an ocean.

Something something... Obummer... grumble grumble... not my America... Benghazi.

Surprised this is coming out already. Usually it takes Tallahassee forever to respond to a rape.

...Rosie Ruiz?

Awkwarrrrrrrd

Breast fans in hockey.

After that collapse in Sochi, they must feel right at home at Wrigley.

I love your writing but since you hate on one of my favorite shows I'll just point out that all the music you put in your funbag is terrible. So we're even.

Suggested syndication re-titles: