LOL, Kobe. NOPE.

Is this guy usually so mellow? I mean, given what just happened he sounds like they won a January home game.

He raped every last one of those mother fuckers.

During the fucking NBA finals? Would you prefer another random Euro league soccer post? Something about the Cardinals loosing? NFL OTAS? Get the fuck out of here.

Cleveland is either about to implode or have the biggest mass orgasm in history. No, I don’t mean game 7. I mean the RNC convention.

I would vote for Mr. Dingle for BEST mascot. There’s an organization with some sense of humor and self-awareness. Well done.

I quite enjoy Preston’s work for the wankfest it is, but good god that little detail was a bit, um, disturbing.

I think a better example of this is Robert Swift. We know about him here because of Deadspin. But if he was a black athlete? It would have been Hot Take Armageddon.

So great to see Livingston become an effective NBA player after that horrific injury.

Far from a soccer fan, but I love West Ham’s “I’m forever blowing bubbles.” That’s a cool tradition.

If that exact sequence happened now, the hot takes would be scorching. Skip Bayless would spontaneously combust talking about the disrespect to the game.

She seems lovely.

You spelled “harasser” wrong.

That’s just idiotic. Nothing in what he said would lead a reasonable person to that conclusion.

I imagine her dating those two much older men would be noted by the internet, which would promptly implode.

Because when you have the fanbase and name recognition of a minor league soccer team, you might as well have the jersey and logo to go with it.

If you really want to rewrite history, you need to change the result of “Tyson vs. The Jury.”

Pardon the tangent, and I’m going to out myself as a massive nerd, but I am a massive Game of Thrones/Song of Ice and Fire fan. I spend way too much time on various forums, listening to podcasts, etc. And I can say I have never once heard a single person say “I wonder what Bill Simmons thinks about this topic?”

Awesome Rodrik the Reader reference.