I was in my mid 30s. Practicing law. Wearing my best suit and driving to court. The hearing that day was in a city far enough away to require a lengthy drive but not so far enough for an overnight stay. It’s a long drive. Early in the morning. So I load up on coffee. And then badly misjudge the distance between exits…

This whole falderal has me thinking of Amy Shumer’s skit about nurses, which is a must watch and dead-on.

I never, ever use that word. But man did cunt almost come to my lips when I read this.

WHAT HAS THAT CAT BEEN DOING TO ITS ASS?

“High left nipple into baby’s mouth. It’s going deep. Back baby goes ..... and it’s gone!” — Vin Scully calls breastfeeding.

You’re thinking of Craig James.

Yea, that’s definitely a Philly/South Jersey accent.

Oh god, that was here in Indiana. The Florida of the Midwest.

You’re daughter is off the team...and now you’re all fucked up.

Oh as soon as I heard the Jersey accent I knew this was going to be bad.

I scratch my balls every time someone debates a quarterbacks eliteness. Or eliteability. Or the eliteness of their analytics.

I feel like she should be in every movie.

Balls.

Who is the Bond villain hanging out with Demi?

When I heard it was an ex-Patriots cheerleader, I immediately assumed it was this lovely lady.

I thought it was a real football game until I saw the Jaguar logo.

Get used to that zero.