My son is also named Bort.

She should be charged with felony battery.

That’s so cute. Now they both have more rings than the Dodgers.

The Browns: Dependably Undependable.

So he’s still got 5 days to get re-re-reinstated, so he can play Sunday,

but this kneeling is only slightly related to the original kneeling. There was kneeling about police brutality, then about doing it to prove it could be done, and now it’s becoming a way to protest an idiot owner. We’re creeping closer and closer to the kneeling-cause-of-the-week.

Bíttolo actually only needed two stitches but the doctor didn’t want to embarrass him.

Not a lot better, but it’s a common phrase employed by teachers, employers, etc., all the time to signify the importance of the person with authority exercising authority. You would absolutely expect that expression to be uttered in this context, and while you may say, “that’s not a great choice of words,” you…

That’s not even the expression. The expression is that you don’t want the inmates running the asylum, which is offensive in a far more subtle way that probably wouldn’t have bothered anybody. The fact that he had to change the expression to make turn the players who are protesting (among other things) racial profiling…

Choke the Raven nevermore.

Co-Anchor: Oh wow! Haha seems like Natalie’s having a hard time with that chip! Hahahaha. Hang in there Natalie!

The NY Post headlines desk suffered a series of erection-induced strokes at the thought of the Ball vs. Wall matchup

Bledsoe may hate it there, but at least it’s a dry hate.

So Palumbo said WWE wrestlers can’t take steroids but could take minimal amounts of hGH. And adamantly said Triple H wasn’t on steroids.

You could’ve stopped your list at Target. Everything in that store is catnip for women.

Ever been to Ross? Women clamouring for discounted dresses and shoes, running all over the place. Knocking into you as you’re being dragged around. I have seen a legit fist fight between two girls there and then the two boyfriends fought. It was awesome.

So many props to Todd Frazier (DID YOU KNOW HE’S FROM JERSEY?!) for emerging as a huge team leader. These guys are legit fun to watch.

counterpoint: the Yankees had the second best run differential in baseball, were forced to settle for the wildcard due to a 18-26 record in one run games and only lost Game 2 cause of the manager’s brain fart. Let’s not make it seem like Cleveland lost to the 85 win Twins or that they “beat themselves.” Other than…

“Look at that loser standing there with a bat on his shoulder. What a disaster. Dangerous, horrible looking person. And that moron with the mask and protective gear on. What the hell is he on about? Looks menacing. Probably celebrating a rape. Now he’s running toward that hero standing on the pitcher’s mound! Look…