How the fuck am I not on this list

dad, ur not a lawyer.  what are you doing here

I was undergoing MMA lessons when I kicked my neighbor’s dog to death, know what I’m saying?

He’s been giving him boxing lesson since he was in utero

good.

I hope, for The Giants’ and their fans’ sake, they try not to call that last play too often. Maybe keep it in their back pocket for the right time, like when they’re down by 5 late in the 4th at the goal line.

Bryan:

The more typical route is to go into consulting/finance and ruin the world for everybody else.

This is not me being a dick, and yes I have googled it.

The “I hope you appreciate it” is especially snarky. 

Good lord, if I did that much to my skin I’d be broken out the very next day.

Not Hevelyn and Shevelyn? That seems like a missed opportunity.

5. Let’s be honest, he’s only there because of his race. There’s a more qualified black professor out of work and this jerk is complaining. How ungrateful!
6. It’s his own fault for not negotiating a better contract. 

1. Well if he just worked harder, they’d see his value and they’d pay him more
2. If he doesn’t like it, he can work somewhere else.
3. Has he really “earned” that additional salary. Seems like he’s overpaid to me.
4. He’s just looking for a handout.

This is a tale as old as time. See: TV ratings (these 100 people in Ohio represent the tastes of everyone in the U.S., so your ‘primetime’ ad is going to be seen by 8 million people!), newspaper circulation (for every copy we sell, 3 other people read it because people give the newspaper to their neighbors and leave…

“Neither nutritious nor flavorful: Soylent Green.”

“Influencer” should be the first ingredient listed on Soylent Green packaging.

ya know, thats a very good call.

“in danger of slipping off her hand and tumbling into an open sewer, the toilet”