Good. I am against the whole idea of Influencers as a profession.

I love you so much right now.

“ . . . and we are definitely not interested in offering him a max contract, nor would we wish to subject him to the intense sunshine and burdensome marketing opportunities of Los Angeles, to say nothing of all the awkwardly top-heavy women who are eager to give him a sexually transmitted infection as the result of…

Everything thing about this story is peak America 2019. And when he refers to himself as a “man of faith” it’s just *chef’s kiss*. 

I would love it if coaches started using dry sarcasm to make the same point.

I’m too old to wear a dude’s jersey without feeling a little embarrassed. Whereas Drake’s gonna have a Zion Williamson tramp stamp in like four years. It’s fucking amaaaaazing. 

Drake just wanted to let Green know that he’s so not a fan of his that he doesn’t even have his number tattooed upon his body

he went on a little tangent about how, actually, it was not a scuffle

PASCAL was so awesome, I gave it a C++

He would be a master of the triangle offense.

I’m pretty sure that prostitute was grateful.

Relevant:

It’s exceedingly bizarre the two consensus best players in this series are probably leaving their teams this summer.

Nah, Nav is cool. It’s the framing that sucks.

Fuck the Bucs for so many reasons, but especially for making me root for BP here.

This was the home run trot of a man who, prior to that point, had hit a total of three dongs across 10 seasons

Oh no, won’t someone think about the little electrons

I doubt that he could have hit it.

At this rate, he’ll be playing for the big league Mets in no time!