There was a sequel??

It certainly looks like it tastes like tears.

“Foodies" are the worst kind of people. We all eat girl, we all eat. It doesn't make you special. Go ahead and eat that emu reduction served in the nose of a dead falcon.

How do we have thigh gap in fashion at the same time as very big, often artificially oversized asses? HOW?

Ugh, you just know that Mr. Peanut photoshopped that thigh gap.

I accidentally bought my toddler an American Apparel t-shirt from the dog section. I didn’t even realize it until I tried it on her at home and her lil belly was hanging out where fabric should be. Still put it on her sometimes though, because its funny/I haven't done laundry.

My dad collects canes and his prize possession is an actual, functioning sword cane.

Oh no no no. Fuck off celebrities. This is MY thing. I’ve been rocking a cane for a few years now because I need it to like walk properly and shit. I didn’t want some average simple cane from the drug store so I stepped up my fashion game and got a nice one with a brass skull and everything. You are NOT making this a…

I would like to see a sport called “Umbrella Thunderdome.”

I was so excited to see the Pissing Contest. Every other week I've been disappointed.

This is the most horrifying thing I have ever read.

“backpack etiquette”

Why does everything in Australia want to kill you?

What’s worse: some inconsiderate asshole who cannot manage to safely navigate his umbrella on a rainy day, or a delicate flower asshole too cheap to use sunscreen who carries an umbrella on a SUNNY day?

Better yet— ditch umbrellas altogether because they’re FUCKING STUPID.

Finally I get to share my story publicly in a setting where people WANT to hear it!!! In December 2014, I started having really massive stomach cramps. I thought perhaps I had eaten something bad, or was PMSing, but these cramps were constant. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped being able to eat. I couldn’t stand up…

if you can program a lady you can PLEASE a lady is what I’ve never said.

Sometimes only a few minutes after it was on the way in.

I’ve always thought being entombed in a glass coffee table would be nice. That way I can keep an eye on my husband to see how quickly he remarries and still stay in close contact with alcohol.