In your monogrammed thermos

“in a fucking “right-to-work” state. If I wasn’t expected to “make up” the time I was taking a lunch break, believe me I’d fucking take it”

^^THIS. The erosion of unions is a bunch of medieval bullshit. The 1% have *all time record profits* and productivity, yet they want more, are greedy f*cks and will ride you to…

Starred for angerpaited, must start using.

Wait- he wasn’t even trying to avoid jail, just probation? I haven’t been following this story very closely, because this kind of thing gets me all angerpaited, but jesus.

I have never been that small in my life. It’s like I burst out of the womb as a size 10-12.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who went to college to actually like, learn.

give me the fucking DeathStar dress and no one gets hurt

Issey Miyake Wants to Dress You Like Rey From Star Wars (Kinda)

I asked both of the former Mr. Crumpetts if they wanted to get married. It was surprisingly easy, even if the marriages weren’t. If you want to get married, girl, do like the Smiths say and ASK.

Women in trousers? What next? Hussies out riding bicycles!

Hey! Me too!

I plan to masturbate more. Circumstances really threw off my rhythm in the last half of 2015.

I know someone with a, I shit you not, official Atari Member’s Only jacket.

Sassy? Hell yes. As cool as the Pac-Man watch I got from Pac-Man cereal in 1984? Hell no.

Had a guy do this to me TWICE in one week (he was very nattily dressed though). It was horrifying. You may identify it as mental illness but it’s also sexual harassment. Sexual harassment needs to be stopped, no matter who is doing it.

Because he’s committing a crime, so the fact that some person on the Internet has diagnosed him with mental illness doesn’t really matter?

So confusing...that hat, with those earrings? Two straws?

There is only one logical way to solve this - let the dogs decide. Leave a pair of (preferably worn and smelly) pants on the floor where your dog can try them on. Result: dogs prefer to wear pants internally. Now pay the emergency clinic $1500 to remove the blockage.