Birds are good. Did you know that if you give a struggling cancer patient a bird, it magically transforms their cancer from being their number one worst affliction to their number two worst affliction?

And they’re stupid as fuck. The Target parking lot is not a sea, you stupid assholes

The goose is cool and good until eight of them start chasing you because you happened to be on a walk in the section of the park they all decided to congregate and shit on literally every fucking surface. That’s when the goose can get fucked.

Seagulls are flying bags of shit.

This early start was wrong, but officials ruled that since there was no possession when the clock went off, they’d reset the clock back to 0.6 and hoist a jump ball in the center circle.

This is the worst Lakers-Magic screwup that doesn’t involve AIDS.

“Men! MEN. DO YOU LIKE MEN?”

“All I wanna know is, did your mother suck up on some toes?”

I’m not a lawyer, but basically it is illegal to discriminate in hiring because of sexual orientation. It seems it is not illegal to ask about it. However, any reasonable hiring process will forbid asking about sexual orientation, because it is not relevant to the job, so there isn’t any reason to ask, except because…

Smart of Wade to choose to come in the afternoon, while the kids got nothing of value from DeVos’s a.m. way.

Let’s not be too quick to judge Ms. DeVos. Maybe her plan was to meet with three people, then each of those people would meet with three more people, and so on and so on.

if Betsy DeVos were eaten by a bear i would give the bear a medal.

I would bet actual money that however long President Trump is in office, he will never be visited by an NBA champion. It’ll be a bummer if Pop never gets to not visit Trump, but we can still enjoy him getting not visited by the Warriors or Rockets or Celtics or Raptors or Cavs.

“You aren’t getting much of an education”?

If those top tier programs aren’t interested in you, you’re likely going to be at the university for at least 2 years, if not all four, so why not get a good “free” education and use it to get a job and live somewhere South or West?

(basketball is played inside)

1. I didn’t write one?

If anything, this year’s Super Bowl is evidence of how valuable having a quarterback who can catch the ball is.

If a Cleveland defender would have shown the least amount of fucks and stood in front of McConnell or Saric, I’m sure either would have pulled up and ran out the clock. But fuck it. If the Cavs don’t care, why should Saric?

Slightly better than the baseball one, where you’re supposed to stop trying while the other team is still trying.

So is the unwritten rule that when you stop trying, the other team should stop trying?