I hope you're not still friends with a woman who thinks "matchy-matchy photos" trump "dying grandfather".

Good boy.

I was in a wedding party once where the bride gradually kicked out everyone but me. She originally wanted me and one other girl to be in the bridal party, but somehow two other friends decided that they HAD TO BE IN THE WEDDING PARTY because it was clearly THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. I'm not sure how she got them…

if people axed me out of their life everytime I dated someone shitty i'd have no friends left. Usually they are just nice to me and help me get out of the bad relationships, but I guess your way works too.

I had to kick my maid of honor out of my wedding.

I have been fired from bridesmaiding, and I guess I'm an anomaly because it was Fine. I don't mean passive-aggressive fine, I mean literally no drama about it. I had a friend in college get engaged, and in a fit of excitement, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was a little surprised, because we like each other, but…

I got "called up to the show" as it were, to be maid of honour for a childhood friend after she and the original maid of honour had a very dramatic "mutual break-up" at 3am on the night of the bachelorette party. 6 days before the wedding. Original MOH Jess (her real name, because fuck you, Jess) had driven the bride…

I have a great story of how NOT to handle changing the wedding party. I was at a wedding (not part of, but the bride was a close friend) where the initial maid-of-honor had been kicked out of the wedding for undisclosed reasons. The replacement maid-of-honor was then demoted to regular bridesmaid, at the rehearsal, f…

...that you know of.

Fred lacks the strength of his convictions. If I got the chance to be a Sleater-Kinney roadie, then come hell or high water and fuck my Muppet arms, that shit would be lifted.

Just eat it on the toilet.

If bachelorette parties aren't the time for inappropriate flirting, what is even the point of them?

The MoH couldn't cancel her airfare for the destination wedding and ended up haunting the same resort area during the wedding, posting selfies from the bar.

How dare you imply that Jeremy Renner would ever move to Phoenix.

This is really tasteless, Barry. That man just had his home broken into.

"HAPPY 95th BIRTHDAY WOODY. WE LOVE YOU."

'to be fair' is the new 'actually' is the new 'um'

Sure, there are good reasons to not order farm-raised salmon. But this dude was somebody who clearly didn't actually ever want to order the salmon OR the beer and just wanted to ask stupid questions for no reason at all. If he'd actually cared how much beer was in a pint, he would've ordered the pint, but he didn't,…

In her spare time, the chef from David's story enjoys Russian Roulette, eating glass, and arm-wrestling silverback gorillas during their mating season.

Either that or he's part cat looking at a laser pointer.