He’s got a guy on the other line about some white walls...

Dunno. What’s the brand of cigarette? These things matter.

Uhh...halftime show spoiler alert

Too good to hold your male orgies in the garage like the rest of us?

I’d rather watch two pigeons fight over a cigarette butt in the park.

The code of conduct can’t be very strict. There were still Eagles fans left in the stadium.

You must be thirsty afterwards. Can I recommend drinking a light beer out of her ass crack?

As a lifelong Bills fan all I can say is this is totally embarrassing and a complete disgrace.

“Who’s got 2 thumbs and is going to fuel First Take for the next 2 weeks? This guy!” - Tony Romo

TONY? Y-NOT!

I die a little bit from second-hand embarassment every time I see this:

*Ashlee Simpson dances a jig*

• “BINGO DAUBER
  

If it had pesto aioli on it, I mean, I get it.

The founding fathers weren’t quitters dammit!

I bet George Lucas is furious that he hasn’t named a character “Bingo Dauber” yet.

I’m curious how many of these damn near killed em.

• “PER WIFE PATIENT SAT DOWN ON A SCREWDRIVER AND IT WENT UP HIS RECTUM”

Champion.

*Extremely smug early 2016 Bill Simmons voice* Yup, these are my readers.