Okay, odds are I will never get married or have kids. But in the rare chance that I did both (. . . or either, I guess), I’ve always imagined that there would come a day when I had to explain what the heady zeitgeist of the Clinton and Bush eras felt like.

If Derrida can’t distinguish the gifts of nature from those acquired by practice, well, he’d make a lousy scout

You know, Boonie is on to something here. For as Rousseau said in his Discourse on Inequality, “In fact, the real source of all those differences, is that the savage lives within himself, whereas the citizen, constantly beside himself, knows only how to live in the opinion of others.” That is, in “the box” the batter…

“Tighten it up right now, okay? Tighten [clap] this [clap] shit [clap] up.”

Pitaro was hoisted by his own Le Batard.

Cheese puffs are for home schooled children and the elderly.

It lacks two things that make The Ten Commandments kind of awesome: a scene-stealing Yul Brynner being really hot and sinister and a scene-stealing Edward G Robinson being really sleazy and sinister.

Your comment sounded like it was something the Ultimate Warrior would shout out only more sad and pathetic than funny.  

Is the choice milk, dark or white

*pours one out*

In all seriousness though, I’m genuinely sad to hear this. Apparently that little pooch loved to get laughs from the cast and would play up a lot to do so.

Now they’ll replace him with some common bitch.

34. Centaur

An even more apt Ebert quote is this one from “Willy Wonka” -

Shoulda gone this route instead

You've never met my dogs. They love bread, especially if it's come into contact with meat.

Dear Penthouse,

If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? I know I would.