I think it’s a bad transcription - clearly he meant “impellsions.”

“getting his emulsions going” is my new favourite phrase

He’s 10-ply, bud.

can’t tom cruise fly? that seems like a huge advantage in a fight

Exactly. His stuntwork alone is what makes me think he’d end this thing in the first round; he would train with a single-minded determination for like 2 weeks and attain skills on par with the average Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu purple belt.

Tom Cruise is the kind of crazy that you absolutely don’t want to fight.  Justin Bieber is the kind of crazy that you absolutely do want to fight.

Even if Bieber murders him, Cruise will just come back revived with more knowledge like in "Edge of Tomorrow" because let's face it, in a celebrity deathmatch, All You Need is Kill. 

I got into a conversation with an optometrist once, who watched me adjust a visual test machine to accommodate that I am left-handed and he said that he didn’t believe people were left-handed. He said people were either right-handed or ambidextrous. His reasoning was that, as a right-handed person, his left hand was…

Added to things you only discover after catastrophic injury - it wasn’t until I was hospitalized and had an IV drip put in my right arm that I realized I’ve never wiped my ass with my left hand. It was like trying to wipe my ass using the claw grabber at a Denny’s. 

Not to go to serious-town on something so cute, this is actually PERFECT PARENTING. Talking to your children like they have value in what they are saying builds character and confidence, and encourages them to improve their language at a faster rate than kids who don’t get this kind of interaction “among equals,” if…

“Who were your ancestors, the ones who made your family rich? Fancy lads in silk? They were fucking cutthroats. That’s how all the great houses started, isn’t it? With a hard bastard who was good at killing people. Kill a few hundred people, they make you a lord. Kill a few thousand, they make you king. And then all…

And I get what you’re saying, but the secrecy and the persecution of dissenters and the general lack of information about catastrophic events was a feature of Communist governments throughout the Iron Curtain in ways that were never equalled by any democratic governments, no matter how flawed.

The next time somebody catches me walking out of Dunkin Donuts with a couple dozen I’ll say, “I’m training”

My favorite part was when he had to hitch up his shorts after getting up, a true fat guy move.

He automatically becomes the best heavyweight champion named Ruiz.

I think we’re gonna need a bigger belt.

This was the home run trot of a man who, prior to that point, had hit a total of three dongs across 10 seasons

Guy that refuses to listen or empathise with a different perspective whilst bleating their “correct” theories to everyone else also thinks unattractive personalities are unavoidable and immutable. Self fulfilling prophesy innit?

The lesson is that if you decide to be an unwritten rules red-ass early in the season, don’t be surprised when you don’t get the benefit of the doubt later. That might just be an errant changeup, but it’s an automatic ejection when you have that history. There are your past actions coming back to hurt you.

Nah, they’re correct. You’re not presenting any new information. You’re just dug in on this one, refusing to listen to the only real options. Your argument boils down to copying and pasting the responses and saying “Nuh uh.” You have no intention of engaging in an exchange of ideas. You just want to take a weird…