and banging his head against an aluminum gate

So are internet comments questioning the physical status of professional athletes.

some of the scene, though none of the head-banging.

Meriweather: Mr. Belichick, the bartender was hoping he could get paid now.

Coincidentally, starting in 2017, the President’s Weekly Radio Address will be known as “Toucher and Rich.”

“Note: Adjective Man died on the way back to his home planet.”

The Arizona legislature has come to regret hiring Dan Cortese to draft the state’s criminal code in the late ‘90s.

“Super Extreme DUI”should only be invoked when Red Bull or Four Loko is involved.

Wait - who goes to such crazy lengths to buy trees? I bought a real tree at Home Depot. It’s 7 feet tall and only cost $40.

Prudent of publications to not buy and publish the photos. Publishing images of people in bed without their consent has bankrupted publications before.

If the NCAA tries to force people to play, I do not think it would end well for the NCAA.

Like, paying them?

He also post-dated their final paychecks for after the championship game.

This was a really gutsy but smart move by McCaffrey. Of course, I imagine teams will still opt for the more athletic Fournette in the draft, even though he made the move out of pure self-interest. Sad!

Not sure what it is about McCaffrey but he sure has grit, wouldn’t expect such a selfish decision out of a high motor guy like that.

Nick Saban has responded by spending 20 minutes silently assembling a rifle in front of his players while wearing a T-Shirt that reads “FUCKING TRY IT.”

If one could make a hybrid of the two, it would have the best porn name ever.

McNair: We have three good quarterbacks going forward.. (Brandon Weeden’s face lights up) (McNair pauses, starts counting on his fingers) I mean two. Two good quarterbacks and some old ginger.

Every son a coach’s son.

Lawrence Phillips was definitely on board before he recently died in jail.