[Colts hang up “2018 WYTS Finalist” banner in Lucas Oil Stadium]

“...were part of a group that confronted Devante’ “Tay Bang” Zachery...” 

Great work here by the investi-gators

He looks like the Wizards’ offseason. 

It’s just like my dad always says: [three minute voicemail of car noises and talk radio muffled by his pocket]

I have done conf calls at 9am with no sleep, and my GF has listened in and been like, “who the fuck are you (in a good way)?” I can fucking kill it...being a functioning addict/drunk is a skill. #notproudbutkindaproud

Big fucking deal.

You don’t have to be worried about being hungover for an important event if you stay drunk.

Probably Brewers fans were just drunk

Make sense. It’s debatable whether a Capela has been instrumental to the Rockets’ success.

As someone who doesnt care about cycling at all, that might actually get me to tune it for a moment.

“TLDR: Female, know your place and keep quiet.”

I miss my mom.

“We’re all yearning to be proven wrong”

What? Maybe quit throwing around the “we” words there, Mr. Narrator. Why the hell are people so emotionally invested in seeing this guy win again, anyway? I honestly cannot comprehend it. He was a great player who fucked up his life and his career by being a shithead and had the…

Here’s a Dylan Thomas quote for ya: “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”

Ever read the Twitter Terms of Service?!? You have to be at least 13-years old to even HAVE a Twitter account, moron!!!

+6 inning tail lights

He self identifies as a shortstop though! 

Manfred, who didn’t want the trade news to overshadow last night’s All-Star Game.