Tacking the word “white” in front of any generalizing rant about women doesn’t make you not a misogynist bigot.

It may not be fair, the nature of LA being what it is, and the latter’s elder sisters serving as precedents (rather than the homophone), and being that I recall what it’s like to be a strong-minded 17 year old and so forth...yet still I could not resist dusting this off.

Probably no haircut in human history has communicated as devastating a summation of its owner’s entire life as the insane orange Moe Howard bowl cut sported by Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis. Carve the shape of it into the wall of his father Al Davis’s mausoleum and it will tell a richer and truer story of heredity…

Yeah, but this woman committed the ultimate crime of being unladylike.

Your wedding sounds goddamned delightful. I want to start a service where, if you know you have to invite someone awful, you invite me and I glare at them and eat the food and gush about how good it is to you. Like a designated mourner, but for weddings.

And while we’re on the subject, never forget... YOU DON’T MAKE FRIENDS WITH SALAD!

“We’re gonna round them up in a very nice way.”

I wrote it down. She said 39. I added the “like” for fun. Sorry you were not charmed.

Congratulations, you have successfully identified the rhetorical device known as parody. You win one free lorazepam.

Zionth.

What degree of Freemason was he?

Look, my mom also hired small-time rocker Allen Wrench to shoot my dad while he was incapacitated by heroin, then had him kill the first guy she approached for the same job—El Duce—by pushing him in front of a moving train after he inadvertently blurted out the name “Allen” to a documentarian in 1998.

Holy crap. That is uncanny.

me: Google, show me this husband of Frances Bean Cobain.

I’m pretty sure Gigli was already released. And no one watched it.

We could easily solve the mass incarceration problem by not incarcerating *non* violent offenders. Stop jailing people for being addicted to drugs, failing to pay court fines, being homeless etc. so when guys like this show up, we can lock him up and throw away the key.

I know how he feels re: Kim Davis. My (gay) husband had a Pentecostal friend whom I despised. The friend needed a place to stay and we had a cluttered extra room in our apartment and we let him stay there for a while. I sucked it up. Life is too short and if people ask you for help you should give it if you can. I…

“I’m just being me.”