I’m pretty sure it wasn’t actually a stranger, and I have a pretty good idea who it was, but one year near Christmas when I was a broke as fuck single parent and my ex kept dodging child support, I found a huge bag of gift cards hanging on my front door one morning. $200 for the grocery store, and a bunch of smaller…

My sister’s wedding is in August. They’re getting married on their 10th anniversary. They’ve been together since they were 15. They have the most amazing venue in Santa Barbara with a reception on the pier and a private trolley. 

I was able to get it delivered from my grocery store today. I never have to leave the house again. 

Look, I want to bang Idris Elba like a screen door in a hurricane as much as everyone else on the planet but... why tf is he able to get tested with NO SYMPTOMS when my friends in the UK say there's a shortage of tests? 

Yeah one of my regular baristas is a young trans man and I really hope his family is supportive because I don’t know how all the service workers are going to make rent. (The Starbucks isn't one with a drive thru) 

Mostly he just likes to believe he's smarter than anyone else. And he's a trump supporter, so really the only way NOT to be totally embarrassed by the incompetence of the administration's reaction is to claim it's not really a problem and also something something Obama swine flu 

Ditto, Mr. Bells is 100% WFH since two weeks ago and he’s now doing most of the cooking since I still have to pop into my office a couple times a week.

My grocery has no shortage of meat and veggies, but all the ramen and pasta were gone. Except for the gluten-free pasta, so celiac disease has finally come in handy I guess. 

I want to tell you guys how much I love my boss who has literally invented work for me to do from home so I can get paid. I’m an office administrator and no one’s in the office. It’s a religious nonprofit and we’ve shut our whole campus down.

I think the only thing that might save us here in Seattle is that 1. We started testing without CDC approval (even after being told to stop) and 2. We’ve shut everything down. Every school in the whole state is closed until mid April.

My ex is the same age as me (47) and he thinks it's all a liberal conspiracy. 

Your husband and I share a birthday!

We got red lentils over here in Bellevue. Or we did last week, anyway.

One of my co-workers was at Costco yesterday and in front of him in line was a guy in his 80's with a cart filled to the brim with just ice cream and wine. He’s doing it right.

So I’ve been MIA again, I know. Had an ovarian cyst that was trying to kill me, they decided to take my uterus as well, and then when they were in there they found endometriosis on my appendix so that went too.

I used to teach preschool, so I mean... I’ve been used as a tissue, peed on, shat on, barfed on, bled on... I got hand-foot-mouth disease at one point. Which is transmitted through fecal bacteria, yay. 

That’s exactly what they do. My sister is a very petite woman with a very large chest. I think she’s a 32DDD. They don’t carry that in the store, so they’ll tell her she’s a 34D or another random size. And since they only sell their own stuff they want you to buy what they have.

Seriously, the last time I went into VS looking for one very specific thing, the sales lady insisted on measuring me even though I just wanted to try one thing on, angrily insisted I was NOT a 36D (I sew. I know my measurements.), and then when I didn’t like the one thing I’d tried told me it was because I HAD to wear…

I tried it on real quick today and the 10 is a good fit. I'm a 36D bust and it fits well there. A bit snug in the waist but I'm still bloated from surgery I think. I definitely do not want to gain any weight before August for that size.

It was ... lurking. In the corner. But my sister-in-law had actually texted me a picture of it earlier.