Do ... you think the Obamas are poor or something?

He threatened to do that once. He was very shocked when we said “okay, sure.”

See, I’m not sure, because when my daughter was in high school (albeit in a different district than we live in now), she had a severe medical issue that was keeping her out of school and I definitely got threatening emails from the truant officer right up until she had to be hospitalized. 

Well, stepmom. And unfortunately, he has the understanding of consequences that a toddler does. Like, even when the consequence of something is clearly spelled out and regularly enforced, he’ll still be shocked and appalled when it happens. EVERY. TIME.

Please let me know how you force a 17-year-old that’s twice your size to attend school when he refuses to go because I could really use that help.

You’re forgetting the TAN SUIT!!!1!

Also seems fair for me.

No useful information on how to get away with performing the Viking Funeral your dad wanted, though. I was willing to break a few laws.

Imagine if Obama had served fast food. Not only would he have been excoriated for “besmirching the dignity of the office of President” or whatever, but we’d still be hearing “WHY DIDN’T HE SERVE FRIED CHICKEN HYUK HYUK” until the end of fucking time.

“You’re not going? Dinner at the White House is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, man!”

I auditioned for the Teen Tournament like ... 30 years ago. I didn’t make the final cut, alas.

I’m late to the party, but I thought I should pop in and say that it doesn’t look like Mr. Bells will need surgery for his broken shoulder. The bone is still aligned and if he can keep it still and it doesn’t shift it should heal on its own. We have weekly check-ins with the orthopedist.

This is a fantastic story.

My husband used to recite e e cumming’s poem “anyone lived in a pretty how town” while we were dating. The “.1% more pig” is a reference to my recent pulmonary valve replacement (it’s grown from pig tissue).

Seriously, it’s not like they actually think the 12-year-old is printing bills in his basement. So obviously he’s in no way responsible for possessing a counterfeit bill. Punishing him for it is stupid.

Angela Bassett is my goddess. I fell in love with her guns in “Strange Days”.

My problem has always been that I *want* to dress nicely, but I always have jobs where the dress code is jeans-and-a-tshirt. I’d never get dressed up to make slime with toddlers or run around a stage with my drama students. Or I’m not working and it doesn’t feel worth it to put on something cute just to get the…

See I never had room for anything else because i’d just buy the biggest size of fucking chicken chips and eat them slathered in nacho cheese until I hated myself.

IDK what it was off the street in WA, because it was legalized the same year we moved here, but it seems plenty cheap to me. Maybe because there’s a store every mile now. Just saw a huge-ass billboard for the “grand opening” of two new Green Theory stores in my neighborhood.

Bring back the Nacho Chicken Nugget whatevers. I don’t even smoke weed but I felt like I should start every time I ate those things.