Ted Cruz combines the charisma of a mortician with the political savvy of the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

the observing officer was “not in a position to initiate a stop”

Oh my, aren’t you cool!

I love how McCown needs to be crossed off twice.

Littering and smokin’ the reefer

Roguelike is a subgenre of role-playing video games characterized by a dungeon crawl through procedurally generated game levels, turn-based gameplay, tile-based graphics, and permanent death of the player-character.

It’s not a roguelike.

Unless they’re saying all procedurally generated games are roguelikes, which is…

I feel no pity for this woman. Not once in the chat log was there anything alluding to rape, just the song. The rape portion of the song wasn’t even what they were joking about. The guy apologized MULTIPLE times, and yet she still felt the need to email Tim Cook (who by the way won’t read this petty crap anyways…

If he doesn’t want to get hit in the head, maybe he shouldn’t wear a helmet. He’s just asking for it when he’s dressed like that.

90% of the people that read deadspin just want to make funny jokes in the comments.

The Warriors definitely did a number on the Cavs without Love and Irving. A completely single-handed Lebron only pushed it to 6.

Nice of Glenn Beck to make it clear right in the name that his network is either:

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

Can’t

Jamal Crawford Blatantly Carries

Keep savoring those pre-WWI wins.

This year, yes. And the year before. And the year before that. And the year before that. Hey look you guys won one! And we’re back at it the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. And…

Dak feels like he could take on the entire Empire himself!

I wonder what will happen when the Hand of the King meets the Face of the Producer?

Didn’t know this was such a classy and mature site...