I'm advancing an alternative theory: The butt is the only real part of her. Nicki Minaj is a sentient butt with a robot attached.

Cuomo: My opponent is a Dolphins fan!

This has to drive Jenn Sterger crazy knowing that she had evidence of a pro athlete's tiny tip and just gave it away.

Of course, when RG3 says "He was watching over me," he's referring to Malsumis, the Native American god of cruelty who has been plotting his demise since the day he was drafted.

Psst, should we tell these cretins about the Catholics?

Personally, I find this surprisingly tone-deaf and disgusting. But frankly, I'm more shocked to be on the same side of the issue as Allen Iverson.

Did we get the whole statement? Is it possible he might be practicing being a better person?

"beating the pussy up" is in fact a euphemism for engaging in really good sex.

I bet her farts go through three generations before they are free.

He said "culpability". The NFL fucking hates that word.

It's hard to even imagine how many "inappropriate language" penalty yards Emmitt Smith would've racked up.

he knew that guy like the back of his hand.

I choose to believe that the reason Rivers has played so well today has to do with the other part of the tribute: replacing the audio feed in his helmet with Good Riddance on a loop.

I doubt most of their fan base would understand what you just said

This woman should be ashamed.

I think the stop sign speaks for all of us.

You have one of them lousy one-tab only computers too?

Everything in this comment was superfluous except the last 6 words.

I've been playing fantasy football a long time, back when everything was done manually, and everything we learned about the game came from newspapers and television. It's just how I was raised. So when some second-rate website says I can't switch Adrian Peterson, it makes me wonder what good all this "progress" has…

I think we are all grateful he doesn't play for the Pooptons.