They are working their tails off to get slightly up and to the right.

but don't lose sight of the fact that today he's nothing more than Moses coming down from the mountain, bearing a press release.

The whole thing is just so ridiculous. I don't even understand how this double standard works. Unlike Ray Rice, there's just no evidence that Josh Gordon drug anyone.

You may think we're douchebags, but if you understood how intelligent and successful I am, you'd really think we're douchebags.

Fast forward to fall of 2013 when I started dating my girlfriend. She's from California and couldn't know/care less about football. She finds out I am a fanatical Jets fan and hears me bitch about Mark Sanchez one day and says "Oh I know that name, who is that?" Once I inform her she says "Ohhhh that's the football…

Stanford Student: Oh man, we're so awesome!

Should he even have a shower at all? No, seriously. It just seems inappropriate. I can't believe we're even discussing this. He's not even engaged yet.

Maybe Fisher is on to something with his thought that Anderson wanted to know if Sam was cut. But, unfortunately, he waits and showers after everyone, so nobody knows whether or not he's circumcised.

Absolutely, Tom. And his teammates must be uncomfortable if they're making him shower in a habit.

That's correct: had IMG made that joke, he most certainly would've kept it.

"Because I don't really give a shit what your names are, so..."

Huh. Interesting theory. It's almost as if your exact theory was posited in the article posted above. Amazing coincidence.

Snyder: 17? Damn. I think it may be time for another one. What do you think Redskin?

Police Officer: Ma'am, we got a call regarding a large man running across the balcony of this building. Do you know anything about that?

Etra declined to explain how Shaw fell.

Turns out Brady isn't upset at all.

"This riff is too long"

This marks the first time a Fedora didn't just blame everything on women.

It would help if all these teams would practice a modicum of discretion. Shit, I can see some hazing going on in the background of the lede photo.

That's the ultimate letdown, isn't it? One second, you're all psyched up, ready to get into the game, excited to help your team get that win. The next second, you're hit in the face with a St. Louis Cardinals fan.