@SibaniThemis: Maybe in Kellyland, her statement of "being forced to GO" to the island was her crazykellythinking for the fact she was actually "forced to LEAVE" the island. That's about an 8-year-olds' reasoning ability.

@MsLongstocking: "He hates these cans!"

@RenoDakota: I worked at a college textbook store and a girl came in once and told me proudly that her boyfriend had a "photogenic memory".

I recently took a friend on his first visit to Howe Caverns, and near each of the flood lights used to light the caverns are straggly fingers of moss that manage to survive.

@squishyalt: Vaseline on the door handle was a prank played on an English teacher back in the day (not by me). Turns out he had an allergic reaction and broke out in hives.

@KetchupFiend: They didn't.... they would send the footman with a calling card to the door of the house, and the object of affection could decide if they were up to accepting visitors or not. Almost as good as a gated community!

@Atomic B: I've worked in two different districts and been to lots of workshops where I've met emotionally stunted teachers....some really do act like it's still middle school. It's scary.

@anniemontana:

@gorehound: I participated in a sleep study this spring. I had to go twice because my insomnia didn't allow me to sleep more than two hours the first time. The second time, they added a CPAP machine and mask and I had an improved quality of sleep, plus a longer time being asleep. I take delivery of my own CPAP machine…

In all fairness, this logic dictates that I could accuse my husband of "withholding financially" since he doesn't earn what I feel he *ought* to?

@RoboticSpacePenguin: That was one of the most amazing yet difficult-to-read books I've ever slogged through. Some images will stay with me, forever, though: I'll never think of Lemon Pledge or Les Assassins des Fauteuils Roulants the same way again... ditto microwaves, film making, Eschaton, rehab, cartridges, and…

@l337_7r4d3r: One of the greatest bellylaughs of my life was at that episode. Total befuddlement with real life in general, culminating in that scene. Poor Mr Burns...and poor Mr Smithers.

@ACE: Yard sales, garage sales, and tag sales are all the same thing, depending on which area of the country you live. (Think soda, pop, soda pop).

@Whitson Gordon: Then people might be confused that you're talking about Linux (or not talking about Linux).

@conebone69: Thank you for my first huge laugh of the day. I really need it, too, considering I will be unemployed after tomorrow.

@Enochrewt

As an aside, everyone PLEASE remember the potential for cross-contamination if you choose to store meat products on upper shelves. To be safe, meat, even well-wrapped packages, should be stored on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator.

She's gonna be the next Queen Queen.

@Tchotchke: Shifty people have the direct line to a clueless person's bank acc—HEART. I mean "heart".

@nirvan5a: I'm an Old and I strip the audio out of episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and listen happily while I'm going about my business: the commute, chores, etc.