I was raised in a Pentacostal church, washed in the blood of the lamb, raised within a spirit-filled congregation, speaking in tongues, praying in the spirit, being healed in God’s merciful light. When I was a struggling, almost-suicidal 21 year old who had never had a relationship, I went to the front during the…

He’s a doctor who couldn’t pass his state’s Board exams to be certified, so he went and created his own certification. I wouldn’t trust him to prescribe me an aspirin.

There’s nothing more glaring in an interview than when the subject gets defensive and obfuscates because they know that answering a simple question truthfully will make them look bad. This is going to be good.

Keep it coming, Rand. Show the world what an insufferable doucherocket you are. It’s the best part of the Republican candidate clusterfuck.

Nashua, New Hampshire

I don’t remember black people being so shiny and vapid.

I have all the feels. This is totally my system.

Thanks to the wonders of the interwebs, one click and the shirt starts to follow you everywhere …

Ha, I did the same thing for the same reason, thinking, “What a completely perfect T to wear to DisneyWorld!” But $450? Pass. Meanwhile, the sleeves look longer in her photo vs the one sold on the site …

Why does no one ever think to throw up in the sink?!

This. This has to win.

This is simultaneously the worst and best thing I have ever read. I am crying.

OH GOD IT WAS YOU.

I can’t stop laughing. Cats are such assholes. I thought my cat was an asshole for vomiting on my pillow (while I was away) but THIS is just so much worse. I’m so sorry!

Oh my god. I’m laughing so hard and I feel so bad about it. That’s disgusting and completely sounds like something my cat would do.

I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.

I swallow my pride, drop to the floor, and with every last ounce of will power shimy under the door

I was in a band and on tour in the early 00’s. As we were leaving the western edge of Pennsylvania on our way to Dayton Ohio we gassed up at a station that had a hybrid Pizza Hut / KFC / and Blimpies food processing closet. Being a vegetarian roughly 5 hours from home I was overjoyed that the Blimpies, 1/3 of this…

Alright, I’ve never posted anything on Jez but I can’t resist this one-

I think I’ve got the creme de la creme. When I was 12, my family took a trip to Disneyworld. The first day there we did the usual rides, food, etc. (Tower of Terror is the shit!!!!). While waiting in line for The Great Movie Ride I started getting a little groin pain. At first I thought I just really needed to pee.…