The worst part about all of this was how quickly Peter pulled a Mariah Carey on him. 

But on Sunday morning, photos of Jesus in a bright purple Easter suit began surfacing on Instagram.

Roman authorities: Hey, Lil’ Pete, you know this dude?

I think I overheard him say his name is ... Sonny... Sonny God...

It be ya own apostles

Fantastic!

I think you meant to say, “Take ALL THE STARS, bless you!”

As a white Quaker, let me just say this is the best take on Easter I ever read. Truly good news for modern man.

Take your star, dammit!

“I doubt it,” replied Thomas.

This is fantastic! MH with another great piece

“He’s giving food to all these homeless people, and they’re making me uncomfortable.”

Another piece to add to the ‘MH is a fantastic writer’ collection. It is greatly appreciated, thank you.

Coffee spit take at “MY KANG HAS RISEN!”

Easter is full of renditions of the Greatest Story Ever Told!™.  This is the Greatest Rendition of the Greatest Story Ever Told!  Now I don’t have to attend Mass.  

His annual fish fry was legendary, even though he claimed he only used four pieces of fish and five loaves of bread.

Those Twitter handles, tho... @gotstitches.

I just wonder how she’s bold enough to post that on social media like somebody wouldn’t put money on her head. You know she’s not working at a white collar detention facility in Connecticut. Ke’Nya is most likely working in prison prison and when visible/wealthy celebs like Cardi B are willing to send goons after you,…

Yeah, neck tattoos I can look past once I know someone, and a small something behind the ear or on the nape of the neck can be ignored/excused. A face tattoo screams “I can’t be taken seriously as a person.” At least to me.

Corrections Officers are almost certainly worse than cops. They’re fail cops. I’ve heard from a few cops that no one wants to work with ex-COs, because they’re all nuts and super horny to fuck someone up. And that’s coming from cops.