When is he coming back to Comedy Central?

The idea that I could have been an elected official while holding the political views I held when I was 17 is absolutely horrifying to me.

Thank you x1 million for this, Phoenix. Its been a rough few months for me - despite my efforts, I have gained a fair amount of weight so far in this, my first pregnancy. All the body acceptance I thought I had went out the window as my body has become almost unrecognizable. I quit running at the beginning of this…

1. Less than a mile down the street from my apt and to think I missed it!

I could cut a bitch.

I can barely make sense out of this bullshit anymore.

I'm so fascinated by these people. Do things usually work out for them exactly the way they want? Do they usually get treated get treated like royalty? I don't understand.
One time when I was moving, I was looking for a friend or someone to buy or just take my (huge) desk from me because I wasn't going to keep it. So…

That Jiro story is crazy. If you are paying for sushi at that price point, surely you would be familiar with how omakase works?

Same thing in retail. No ever cleans up after their kids.

It's not a bathroom story, but these remind me of one of my SO's worst restaurant experiences. He was a manager working at a nicer (20-30 an entree) bar/restaurant in a city known for it's older, wealthy population. At a table near the middle if the restaurant was an older man and his plastic, much younger gf, and…

RE: Story #3 ...So that host just cut their friend group by 28! Or at least I hope.
I would lose my ever-loving shit on people who did that, give up on a social life, and become a light house operator/ full-time hermit.

agreed! At the restaurants I worked at we weren't allowed to ask guests to leave at closing. So it became this passive aggressive game of turning the music off, clearing things away, and turning up the lights so the campers would get the hint and leave. One fine dining place I worked at wouldn't even allow staff to…

...wow. That makes having to clean the occasional floor-doody from the bathroom at Borders seem like fun.

Oh my god I would have made it my personal mission in life to track down those women and slather their homes in disgusting cake and red dye.

This post just kinda reinforced my notions that people are assholes to people in the service industry. NOTE TO ASSHOLES: if you are the last table in the restaurant, it's time to go. Does not matter if you've been there for only 5 minutes and it's the anniversary of your first spit-swap. You are holding up a bunch of…

Honestly I wouldn't bat an eyelash if someone named Tony walked up to these people and broke their legs with a bat. As soon as you shit (literally or figuratively) all over innocent retail/restaurant workers because you want to feel superior to them (or even just because you know they can't do anything without getting…

We walked in to find red velvet cake smeared everywhere — the mirrors, paintings, counters, floor, stalls, walls, and toilets.