Funny how much more desirable being alone becomes when you have a few little roommates stuck to your ass 24/7.

Right? Both of my kids dabbled in shoplifting as toddlers.

Not knowing exactly where I was going beforehand would give me massive anxiety.

I think some Walmarts use aggressive tactics against shoplifters.

She’ll probably eventually write a children’s book or some such shit.

Taylor Swift really has a type, huh? A deeply dull type.

Honestly, thought we were getting too old for this shit, but here we are.

That is very cute. Just succeeded in getting “unnatural hair dye rule”overturned at my school. Hair colour is a very specific form of expression for some students.

Had a great day, at a birthday party with one of my kids.

What’s not to like?

He punched his ex in the face while she was holding their infant. Kind of a point of no return where decent and your name can never be associated again.

I almost drove off the road in a rage this morning when a talk radio host suggested that all of these accusations at once “lessens their impact”.

It’s happening!

Haven’t read this one since my early teens, but looking at the story as an adult, Kit’s parents=life goals now.

Mr.Needlessly defiant hates dressing up and has done it exactly once, when he was trying to win my affection very early on, as I’m a sucker for Halloween. This year the kidlets insisted he be Gru to their minions, as he “has no hair and is grouchy”. It’s gonna be fucking awesome.

I just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out why your town wanted to ban nipples before deducing what a nip must be. Thanks I always like learning new slang.

Arm wrestling and FootGolf have governing bodies?

I’ll be right behind you in line with my mom and her contraband water bottles of rum and coke, as she thinks the theatre that serves alcohol isn’t enough of a challenge.

I teach and have worked exclusively with women for 8 years so no harassment. A young, competent and very nice male teacher joined our ranks this year. He is coincidentally handsome enough to be a male model.

Once upon a time young college student Kris embarked on a 6 hour train ride to visit a friend. I packed an awesome tuna sandwich (imported tuna, arugula, fancy bread, etc. ). As I’m settling into my seat, I catch sight of the person next to me and see that it’s an extremely hot guy. Because I was just the sort of…