I've always wanted to learn Arabic. My uncle is from Algeria and I was supposed to meet him for the first time back in August, but he bailed and went to go see Real Madrid play in Los Angeles instead.

I'm almost finished with my undergrad degree. I still got a long way to go, Doc!

Arabic/Islamic studies seems pretty useful these days though. I feel like I'm just going to end up being some guardian of hyperborean obscurities.

That's cool that your parents got you into that stuff. When I was a young (like six or so) my dad used to take my brother and I on his geological excursions deep into the Cascades. He'd make me go out and find agates and quartz for him.

Sad Dad DUAN!

FIFA doesn't care about black people.

This is the stupidest casting decision since James Franco was cast in something.

Can science help me with my argument on how slavery made blacks better athletes than whites? Thanks for your help in advance!

Every blue sports drink is actually just sugar-infused Windex and this is the Lord's Truth.

Turns out the spit cup chucker is actually Andres Serrano and this is all a commentary on how the Virgin Mary was a dirty, dirty whore.

Bud Heavy is the guy **who** smells like your dad.

Bud Heavy is the guy that smells like your dad.

Are you better at boats than Magellan?

That is a rare glimpse into the dark side of being Santa Claus. Contrary to popular belief, Santa isn't born Santa. Nor is there a santa conclave held by the College of Demi-Santas. The position of Santa can only be won one way: through mortal combat. Santa is basically a Viking chieftain that enjoys milk and cookies.

I think you should get double points if you spell mispronounced words correctly.

Psst, I'm down here.

The French team surrendered to the German team because that's what happened in World War II.

Too bad he didn't have pizza insurance.

Yes we is.

GO HAWKS.