[takes deep breath]

Come on, really? How ignorant do you have to be to write something like that?

What's the state of alt-weeklies? Is it the one next to Delaware?

Alex Jones: So Jay, what's your opinion on contrails?

Make fun all you want, but that is such a perfectly executed googly.

I think we've come to expect this kind of behavior from Teheran: lots of posturing with very little to back it up.

Things got tricky when Lolo informed the PED police that she would need to be married to cup in order for it to get near her lady parts.

[cuts own hair]

Fountain Lady: Oh, I'm so wet!

I bet the hair on his head isn't even real.

Yeah, I forgot he spells his name all weird-like.

I don't know how someone could make such an egregious error.

I've wasted way too much time watching Norm Macdonald videos on YouTube.

Paternity leave isn't complicated. You become a father and then you leave.

+1

"A 5? Goddammit I'm a perfect 10! Ichiro is a silver fox though, I must admit."

"Yes, it's a proven fact: our products do make you crash."

Bud Selig: Am I doing it right? I see all the young whippersnappers "rocking" this sort of look.