Macbeth: Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Dave is lucky. The school board detectives completely missed his team's most sinister mantra:

What happens when your hero suddenly stands up from behind home plate, crosses some fold in time, and vanishes?

A-Rod: Why are you two 3 1/2's just standing there?

+1

+1

A-Rod: Oh my god, that fuckin' imbecile. I'm gonna fucking kill him.

It doesn't matter if they broadcast private texts across the globe because there are already microchips implanted in every American's cortical block.

Listen, I swore to myself that I wouldn't get all bent out of shape again if some racist ignorant fool made an ignorant racist fool of himself, but goddammit, I've had it up to here with these fools. The way he's so casual about being racist really gets my goat. It's like, how could you be so insensitive? I'm not…

+1

Alex Rodriguez: Buck, get over here. Look deep into my eyes... Deeper... Just lose yourself in their emerald beauty. Ok, now on a scale of 100 to 101, with 100 being the most exquisite being in all creation and 101 being perfection squared, how beautiful am I?

[removes human suit]

"We're getting really sick of these jungle creatures invading our pitches. That bird guy is kind of annoying as well."

[acquires target through periscope]

The man deserves a Good Writering Award.

I love E.J.

Hooters Waitress: Welcome to Hooters! What can I get for you?

Tell it like it is, homie.

Alex Rodriguez: [stares off into the distance] Man, I wish Centaur-Me were here right now. Centaur-Me always knows how to cheer me up.