It's a bird!

benches losing their minds

I'm surprised he's kept his cool so far—Zenon is known for having an extremely low boiling point.

I don't know about you, but I have a feeling that Gerald Thomas Hightower will smooth talk his way out of this once again.

Meanwhile, Kanye East, Kanye West's twin brother and highly respected insurance agent, appeared jovial and mildly overcaffeinated.

Go to a farm and find a turkey. Acquire either a blunt instrument or a sharp object, your choice. Commence murdering mister turkey. De-feather turkey and remove the innards. Do NOT cook the turkey. Proceed eating the turkey. Eat the entire turkey. Once you've finished eating the turkey you will be cured of your…

It sure is.

Somewhere, Rob Ryan is probably eating food.

100% pure lard?

Good thing that cockmonster in the middle is kept in its protective cage. So lustful it is.

"Just kidding, there's no password."

Hamate bone?

"He's being hailed as a pioneer," she adds, a little weirdly, "but I believe pioneers stopped existing after the Oregon Trail shut down."

More like John Lankey, am I correct?

My personal fave is when acclaimed Pleiadian announcer Paco Nibiru lost his shit when Hall of Fame quantumballer Chip Wiggle scored a triple reverse holowicket up the googoly in less than ten turkels.

I like dirt bike racing.

[finds stray dog]

Doc Rivers?

This beef may be over, but the Doc Rivers-Bill Simmons tofu is just getting started!

no football team can possibly keep 50 Mother Teresas on its roster