Mallory

6/14/14

Hey Dude and Salute Your Shorts are national treasures!

6/13/14

Thanks for the fascinating update on which celebrities get you aroused. That is really important and brave of you to share.

6/12/14

Way to make those people in front of the wild fire look like schmucks.

6/11/14

PREGNANT & BETRAYED is the name of my new band!!!

6/11/14

Pic pic pic!! Here are mine (black and white one is Dr. Unagi 4 yrs old and the grey one is Disco5 yrs old

6/11/14

Man I hope my two cats live to their 20s...little fuzzy assholes light up my life

6/10/14

This is my worst nightmare. I get SUPER uncomfortable with public and/or cheesy romantic displays (if you try and stare into my eyes across the table at a restaurant I will cut you), and this is like that on steroids in the middle of a 'roid rage episode. Do not want. To whoever my future hubby is: please propose to…

6/10/14

Betty White: Thank you for being not dead.

6/10/14

No apologies; I love Taylor Swift. You do you, Taylor. I loves it.

6/10/14

I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to get a Ph.D. in math. Why doesn't everyone?

6/10/14

That kitten reinforces an unrealistic standard of cute that my cat can't possibly achieve.

6/10/14

Beauty pageants are bullshit and everyone knows it, including this kitten :)

6/9/14

Beauty pageants were so wonderfully spoofed in AD.

6/9/14

Wait, I'm confused. This fit form is a "normal body?" I would kill to have a "normal body" like this. On the other hand, I am far too lazy to do the kind of work she clearly does to have it. Also, I am middle aged. Which I think makes my flabby middle aged body "normal." Or, at least, average.

6/9/14

I miss that show so much

6/9/14

Sorry, Iggy and Lorde, not buying it. If there's one thing Flight of the Conchords taught me it's that New Zealanders and Australians are naturally bitter enemies.

6/8/14

That must be king Solomon's new maternity test, because upon reflection, I'd be like "Fuck that baby, I'll have a new one".

6/8/14

Some of us just suck at it. I'm white and a teacher and I have a huge problem telling my students apart if they have similar hairstyles. The long line of white blonde girls with the same heir length drives me nuts. I've even accidentally mixed up a white student and an Indian student because they had the same hair. I…

6/8/14

Silverware is so obviously and objectively more convenient and effective as utensils than chop sticks. I'm tired of Asian people dodging our questions about silverware.