Next week will be Revenge, so while not light, it’ll definitely be cathartic.

The Man and His Daughter Walk Away, Hopefully Forever

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

Sure, that works most of the time. But I don’t think douche capacity is really a good enough standard. For example, that completely ignores the superiority of douchecanoes in stealth-douche applications.

Well, it’s all about how much it can haul. Obviously, a doucheschooner hauls more than a douchecanoe, though both pale before the douchefreighter.

We’re coming home along the Thruway and decide to stop at McD’s. There’s a woman and smallish kid in front of us getting huffy and I can tell this won’t end well. And in due time she starts yelling at the cashier, “Why is everything more expensive here? This is ridiculous! You’re ripping people off!” and so on, as the…

My last restaurant was the best because the cook was a redhead. Nobody trying to pull the “hair on my food” trick ever got it right! One manager would even pull him out onto the floor to prove it to jackhat customers. It gave me warm fuzzies seeing those scam artists deflated.

I am going to shame the hell out of the first Pinkham’s Law comment.

We had one family friend that I just stopped going to restaurants with because he was such a tool, complaining about every aspect of the meal. (To make matters worse, he was actually a really good cook himself, which meant he could find fault with any damn thing.) My Mother would go with him occasionally, but she…

Starbucks scammer, street eating scumbags, both drive thru biatches.

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

“And that’s when I killed him, your Honour...”

I honestly felt like applauding her.

I am seriously struggling with the notion that anyone can manage to survive to adulthood, let alone become somewhat important to a corporation and still not be able to turn their sandwich over should they desire to bite into the various parts in a specific sequence.

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

Weird shit regularly happens to me in Au Bon Pain, AMA.

When I hand it to her, I tell her, “No charge for the extra blood!” She doesn’t even blink, snatches the package and leaves.

My roommate is the GM of a restaurant and it’s a few doors down from where I work. They have some nice beers on tap but mostly people order off their cocktail menu, which was some pretty awesome drinks that chance seasonally. Sometimes pop in for happy hour to say hello, have a drink, and chill with my roommate. One…

“Also, there obviously needs to be training classes for being a human being”

God, that last one is like a Monty Python sketch. It’s ex-ice cream! It’s ice cream pining for the fjords!