Okay Kinja-ate-my-homeland-security.

You should try growing meth. Even Floridians can do it.

Next level health is always habit forming. I’ve been eating nothing but these leaves my brother sends me from the jungles of Peru, and I haven’t needed to sleep or consume anything else for five days now. I feel like Superman, only much more sociable and carefree; though recently Homeland Security and UNESCO seem to…

Everybody’s a critic.

Like a low-rise, grease fueled Las Vegas.

To be fair, I could find it in my heart to forgive a homeless meth addict taking the position. After all it’s a paycheck, presumably, and it probably wouldn’t contaminate their CV beyond repair.

I’d love to see a breakdown of how many of those 63 percent of women who believe sexism is very real believe racism is over, and conversely how many black men believe sexism is ancient history.

If something should happen to her at the hands of a gun-crazed wingnut I believe the smartest course would be to keep President Obama on in the White House, just until we can figure out what’s going on.

Maybe they were trying to go under it, which would have been amazing if Smith had managed to pull it off. Kind of like the Kolvoord Starburst Maneuver, but with ballroom dancing and much higher stakes.

Going by this criteria, all New Yorkers are potential terrorists.

In the mid-nineties, me and my best friend had summer ‘jobs’ at Pepsico’s headquarters in Purchase, NY.

Sauron cedes leadership position to Saruman.

Why are so many people being shot dead with all of these millions of guns around? This is truly mystifying.

It’s an interesting question. The Commonwealth countries that still regard her as the titular head took possession of the British governor’s houses. And the Republic of Ireland took over Dublin Castle, though it was a military garrison and not a royal residence. Who knows?

If Scotland and Northern Ireland follow through and leave the kingdom she stands to lose a couple of fancy cottages.

She’s scraping out the seed tears before they reproduce and embarrass her greatly in public, always a classy move. Didn’t you finishing school, Visigoth?

Edited because, why bother.

I think it’s more likely he’s trying to convince all of us that the orange, tiny fingered Deathstar that appeared in the heavens last spring is just a kindly, non-werewolf inspiring moon.

Who would have thought a grown man named Doocy would be such an asshole?

I’m beginning to suspect she may be one of those poorly educated people Donald Trump is so fond of.