I are dude! I breathe, hafes skin, and also wears the shoes! Tell me more about this “US Weekly”!

Well of course we do! Do you expect us guys to wear articles of clothing TWICE? It’s not like any of us know how to use a washing machine.

How do I know that ain’t just a re-shined, busted ol’ donkey from the re-shined busted ol’ donkey farm? I been fooled afore, y’know.

I do recall that a lot of critics thought the released pilot was overstuffed and merely promising at best. It wasn’t a slam dunk sensation after one episode.

I’d also love to see the full text of what’s printed on the side of the trap.

Can’t we just let this genius brain surgeon/complete idiot figure out how he’s going to bow out with a modicum of dignity? Let him use his silly laundry excuse so he can powwow with the Lord and his Bible and figure out how he can parlay this ludicrous campaign into an even bigger payday. Is that so much to ask?

OK, OK that makes sense. But when DO you wear a garden hose? It’s still OK after Labor Day, right? One time I forgot I was wearing mine and I ate pudding at the same time.

Let’s not stop there, I think he needs full-on Chewbacca hair covering his entire face. Also, I’d prefer it if he spoke like Chewbacca, too, just a series of grunts and howls.

Maybe they extend, go-go-Gadget style, so he can paddle himself back up to Canada on the Mississippi River.

I swear it’s not because he’s a reptilian! Ignore all my previous comments on the subject, and this one, too!

Your scenario assumes that he has a first human head. I have yet to see it.

Then he could try to turn himself inside out and see if it makes him any more attractive. Couldn’t be any less attractive.

Some guys have a stench that defies deodorizing.

Let’s team up. I’ll get the left arm, you get the right one.

I know what to do with his arms!!!!

Good points. This article might’ve been better served if it had more of a tone of “here’s some new, interesting info about the state of the Mets’ owners’ finances,” instead of “#LOLWILPONS.”

I’d venture that anything that can improve the mental acuity for a large swathe of the population is, on balance, a good thing. More people making good decisions is generally good for society.

I wouldn’t spank them with your hand ...

He’s an apeirogon

I think you’re onto something there. It’s kinda like “truthiness,” it expresses something we were all thinking, but didn’t have a word for.