Whoever was going over the Bible crib sheet with Donald in the limo on the way to the speech is totally fired now.

Yeah, but if you don’t try to exploit every edge the rulebook and referees are willing to give you, aren’t you deciding that you’re OK with losing? I’m not saying the league shouldn’t try to close those loopholes, but while they exist, it’s open season on exploiting them.

The problem with the report not naming anyone is that now all tennis players come under suspicion, with no real way to clear their names.

The reason why “Black Lives Matter” is a meaningful mantra is the fact that so many people clearly believe the opposite. No one is saying “Black Lives Matter More Than ...,” they’re saying “Black Lives Matter The Same As Every One Else.”

We keep hoping that she’ll wise up and leave him, but for some reason that’s not happened so far. Somehow he has her convinced that she’s the one who is dependent on him.

What is Papyrus if not the fancy version of Comic Sans?

Worst actor and character on the show. Only ever redeemed by Charles’ enthusiasm for everything he does.

The author has just been watching Seinfeld and Friends reruns all these years and happened to stumble across a Brooklyn 9-9 episode by mistake.

Almost makes you want to see a sitcom set in the NH legislature, with Jasper as the exasperated sucker stuck trying to wrangle 400 morons.

At least Stephen Root can clean up and look halfway decent when the occasion calls for it. He had to work to look almost as repulsive as this guy.

I have a somewhat similar relative who would probably die of starvation or exposure if his wife left him. He makes her turn over her income from her part-time job, and then gives her just enough of an allowance to buy groceries.

Let me guess, science will determine that there is no sweet spot, just a zone of overlap in the middle where you’re simultaneously going too frequently AND too infrequently.

Great, I’ve only been making a habit of ignoring my bladder for the past 40 years or so. Now that I’m aware it’s bad I’m sure I’ll start to see the negative repercussions any day now.

The flute is a heavy, metal instrument

On second thought, let’s not go to Rhode Island. ’Tis a silly place.

I will only see this if the movie explores Nixon’s desperate plea to Elvis for help in dealing with an attempted alien breakout from Area 51, because Elvis is the Earth’s secret Intergalactic Space Ambassador.

This broke my brain. Is this what typically goes on in Rhode Island?

Ohh, goody, I’m going totally not care all day on Feb. 29!

I think every industry likes to have awards, but only certain ones garner enough outside interest to merit TV coverage. The local chamber of commerce out here runs yearly awards for all sorts of business categories.

Martin’s the friend who keeps showing up to parties and events without anyone remembering how he got an invite, but no one really cares enough to make a big deal out of it. You know how every group of friends has one of those people.