This is all you need to know about brutal doom:

Well, to be fair, it's a really disappointing screenshot. It doesn't even have any HUGE GUTS.

How many?!?

If Spiderman's mantra is "with great power comes great responsibility" then what greater power is there than to mold a young mind? What more awesome responsibility than fatherhood?

I don't think those are spiders. Those bodies look like one segment, and spiders have two segments to their bodies. Also, it was hard to see, but I think they might only have six legs.

The idea that nothing but survival games has come out recently has me DAZED, REELING, ABOUT TO BREAK!

This happened when I went to basic. Everyone had shared everyone else's gunk from across the nation, and between the entire company, there were maybe five guys with clear noses. After the CS gas got done with us, we were recreating the scene from Spaceballs. You know the one. "Air, I'm breathing... AIR!!!"

Is that why Roosevelt was left off the list?

Priorities, man. Gotta go fast, and Sonic games have been garbage for an age, now.

I take it you've never seen The Plague Dogs.

I think your definition of unreasonable is, well, unreasonably strict.

I still unironically rock a droid 4. I love the keyboard, and I have a legacy data plan that I'm unwilling to get rid of, so my upgrades only happen when my phone is completely obsolete and I'm ready to go out of pocket for the full price of a phone.

cEvin Key might have some music that would be appropriate for this situation.

Still living in their heyday of 1999.

It's a 2005 Mustang with a 2011 body, and the 2008 Bullitt tuning.

I bet 'while' isn't good enough for you either, and that you have to pretense it up with a liberal helping of 'whilst', don't you?

The Abyss isn't D&D's version of Hell, the Nine Hells are D&D's version of Hell. If you get confused, here's a quick explanation. When you go to the Abyss, unspeakably terrible things randomly happen to you with no rhyme or reason. When you go to the Nine Hells, specifically engineered atrocities are inflicted…

I eat my sausage after watching a double feature of the Happiness in Slavery and Worlock videos. That's just how I roll.

You misspelled Gilgamesh and Enkidu.

I'll say this for the video, it's not a hit piece, as it seems to fall on the side of foie gras consumption and production. Yes, it shows ducks being force-fed, but if you don't have the stomach for how the sausage is made, perhaps you shouldn't eat it?