Every time I try to jam my ass into some now-too-tight pants, I say to myself, “Yup, still got that bad case of the Trumps.”

I’m not even lying to you when I tell you I’m aging rapidly. Legit starting menopause about 6+ years ahead of schedule. Gained 20 lbs since November, too.

Same, friend. It’s nonstop anxiety over here. I keep waiting for the next barrage of awful, horrid things said and done in the name of 45's regime. I think I’ve aged 10 years in six months.

I don’t care what it is, anymore. All I care is that it is all fucking hopeless, no one who can fix it will, and I can’t take it.

“The swamp will not defeat him,” he said, breaking into the third person. “They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work.”

Holey macaroni - can you imagine Trump’s reaction if Rosie O’Donnell played Sanders. You, sir or madam, are a genius of casting decision-making!

She is honestly not very attractive, which really doesn’t matter except that Trump is ridiculous about women. It’s too bad she is also a terrible lying disaster and I am cranky about feeling sympathy for her now.

You know that the every athlete that is training for the Olympics comment was meant to remind her to go to the gym every day now.

There is such a thing as a good spray tan. My sister has them done occasionally before special occasions, and it’s very subtle and natural-looking.

I think it was the other way around, Spicer was a believer and Mooch is self-serving and opportunistic. This is an opportunistic sociopath’s paradise.

The worst! Funny story. I read something on Jez or gawker (can’t recall) a couple years ago about how July is the worst month for kidney stones. Later went to my 2nd job on a Saturday and brought it up during a discussion on the fucking oppressive weather. I’m not kidding, an hour later I started having mild pain…

Transporting 100 ETOH patients would be a nightmare, logistically. Even if you put two per ambulance, that’s 50 separate runs. Factoring in the heat, a lot of them probably needed IV hydration, which means you need a medic and not “just” an EMT (note: I’m an EMT, don’t @ me. But at least in my state, we can’t start…

This is so exhausting, I don’t remember ever the news constantly being like this.

He’s a Republican from Kentucky- this is all you need to know.

Actual 5'8" or famous man 5'8" (which is actual 5'6", sometimes 5'5")?

At least I’m not an asshole.

Or this guy’s a genius at photoshopping your photos to do exactly what you want.

I have a pair like this (not this brand) which are tucked neatly away in my bureau after only a couple of wears. They are not <cough> “most flattering pant ever.” 

What is this terrible nonsense? This looks like when I used to joke try on my short friends’ pants.