The irritated drink stirring is my favorite part. It’s like he can’t cuss the dude out, so he has to do something to let the energy out.

There once was a jackass named Trump

I heard that story, too. I nearly crashed my car into a tree purely out of rage. I know NPR has to give equal air time to opposing opinions because of like the law and journalistic integrity and shit, but can we draw the line at outright idiocy and misogyny ? Please?

Ew. I’ve definitely met some of my second cousins. Fucking them just isn’t on the table. They are not “barely related.” They’re related. Not super closely, but still. Ew. And to say that no genetic anomalies will arise in a child born to second cousins is not exactly true. On average, the chances of something going…

...k

You’ve definitely banged your second cousin.

Yeah, that’s a dangling participle. Which is illegal to show in public in at least eighteen states.

Must have been hard not to be tempted by that amount.

Weather people love storms. In the Midwest, we hear this every time we’re getting 6+ inches of snow. Then there’s a run on shovels food, road salt and shovels (Really? What did you do with last winter’s shovel? Or from the winter before that?). Apparently people believe - for a short while - that this is it, we’ll see…

It’s not so much I want to be an asshole about it, but after PR people told me that if celebrities really wanted to keep something a secret, they can do that—See: Sandra Bullock pulling her adopted kid out of nowhere—it’s just that I find all publicity suspect, you know?

Not for someone whose career is staging things to get attention.

These are the days of Trump and Lochte and god knows what else. If you can’t think of a reason then you don’t have much of an imagination.

Okay, I want to say something a little bit controversial here...

In Europe, they’d say he’ll never mayonnaise in the polls

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

*ominous music swells*

Not Fear? Or Disgust?

This is a brilliant idea! Maybe I can be Anger.

I am seriously considering dressing as Sadness for my “political-themed” Halloween.