Just finished my first novel, set in Chicago, it HAD TO BE.

I fucking love Chicago. Even when I hate it (looking at you, February).

FINALLY we’re getting something! She’s playing’ mean and durrrty and I am ashamed/not ashamed at my lookie-loo-ness.

Not just ivory....KNIT IVORY....how is that shit not snagged all to hell???? She exhausts me.

Or looking in the mirror.....

‘Tis unnatural, is what it is.

And also, do you think Princess Kate ever gets sick of having to look so perfect all the time? Like do you think she sits around sometimes in dirty yoga pants, her hair all greasy and frizzy, eating way too much sugar and carbs, with a little B.O., just lying on the couch, eating cheetohs right from the bag and…

Right?? We hired you behind a screen because we’re so prejudiced but now....WELCOME ABOARD! You’re one of us!!

violin and viola

Oh my god, you caught me on video!!!!

Came here to post that! I am a professional musician and we are not allowed to speak, cough, step off the carpets, clear our throats--NOTHING behind the screen of an audition. And yes, the audition bias has improved, but you know what else still sucks? When you’re actually in the orchestra and the powers that be…

I’m so fucking horny now.

YES, this is it! You and I are one woman, a few years apart.

Once when I was hugely pregnant, I was at the dog park with my toddler and dog. My dog found a dead squirrel and started to roll in it. I saw it from a distance as I was throwing a bag of shit away. Then, my toddler got down and started to do THE SAME THING and I started to scream and run/waddle over. My screaming…

Foot rub, the whole fucking works, man.

Just talk it about it BEFORE the kids come along, I am amazed at how many smart women I know did not have this convo with their partners. We discussed it especially around careers, a BIG one. My husband was ready before I was, too, and just had to wait for me to get there.

The very definition of insanity, right? I have four kids myself, but my husband is as equal of a parenting partner as I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s NO WAY I would’ve chosen to have a large family like this unless we were both in it equally. NO WAY!

oh that hurts, it hurts sooooooo bad.

Lord almighty, THIS! My SIL complains about her husband like it’s her full-time job since the birth of their first kid and yet....had three more with him.

WAIT, does this have anything to do with the “bombshell” A-Lister family man leading the pedophile ring? It can’t, right???