Just a warning - evil mean corporate workplaces will not "fire" you after actually using FMLA but suddenly you will get write ups for being 2 cents over on your register or are cut back "due to business needs to one day a week. Seen it a million times. It sucks being a serf.

From now on, you may pretend you're yelling to me, and I will do likewise. Because my current go-to, "Kids! Food's here!" is way too "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf."

Clearly. However, as someone who works with those with some serious mental illnesses, sometimes, when its not immediately harming the person or anyone around them, "crazy" is just FUNNY. My clients have said and done some of the funniest shit I've seen/heard in my life.

My father grew up in a predominantly Puerto Rican neighborhood in Brooklyn with mostly Puerto Rican friends and he still can't pronounce Spanish words. The trick I've learned is to ask him what he's planning to order. That way I can correct him before the waiter comes. It doesn't always work though.

I would have said, "Well, I guess sex with you would be pretty degrading."

YOU USED THE WORD OLD THEREFORE THIS IS CLEARLY AGEIST ALSO SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING ABLEISM I CAN COUNT TO POTATO.

I worked at a small Italian restaurant on Staten Island while I was in college. The owner was terrible, the food was overpriced, and the customers were the worst. The main seating area was separated from the kitchen by a fairly long hallway, and everything was done in tile, so even if you wore super comfortable shoes…

Was it in northern AZ by any chance? My Mom lives in a VERY rural part of AZ and we had driven to the closest town to go to the grocery store and I asked my Mom if we could go to the local history museum. She said they didn't have one, why was I asking. I said why are those ladies dressed like pioneers then if there…

Oh god...the substitution people. *Sobs* I had this happen once too:

I consider myself a pretty open-minded person, but my biggest red flag is when I'm talking to some guy for the first time and he says, "You seem really open-minded." Then it's decision time: I know shit's about to get weird, and I have to decide if it's going to be worth it to hear exactly where he's going with this,…

I can tell you from personal experience that if a Scientologist ever engages you in unwanted conversation, all you have to do is say "dude, you don't want to be talking to me, I've been declared." That means the Co$ has officially labelled or "declared" you a suppressive person (enemy of Co$), so even interacting…

Him: 'I'm really into women that like to be degraded during sex.' *stares at me..i assume it was staring but he was wearing mirrored sunglasses inside the mall*

Many years, a group of plain living people who are similar to the Amish (I cannot recall the exact faction), tried convincing my brother in law to either join their group OR plant his seed with several of the women as he "was a strong healthy looking" man and they needed that.

The beauty of being married to a disfellowshiped JDub (Jehovah's Witness) is that everyone in the congregation knows where we live, and knows not to come. And, telling the Mormon's to get the fuck off your property works well.

Ah, the food service weirdos. I currently work at a sandwich shop in the lobby of a university office building, and we get some strange ones. There's this guy who always comes up and asks for a veggie sandwich, hold the bread, hold the sauce, hold the dressing, hold the cheese. All he wants, literally, is a paper cup…

I thought I was the only one who did this. I love leftovers! So I always yell out "delivery guy's here!" to no one.

I think the trick is that if you know what group they're part of state that you used to be a member and then got kicked out. Or at least that's what Teh Internets told me when I did research on how to avoid Jehovah's Witnesses after my "abandon your cat" incident. A lot of the more culty groups forbid current members…

Usually when I order chinese, I order enough for multiple meals, because I like leftovers. But I always feel bad about myself when I see how many forks and fortune cookies they include. Sometimes I yell upstairs to a fake person that "the food is here" so that the delivery person doesn't know it's all for me.

I assumed that the "What the hell do you mean is that all for me?" outrage was because he interpreted the question as something like "are you going to be eating all of this or are you sharing it?" but there is no explanation for his weird interpretation. God, imagine how mad he must get when asked "would you like…

I don't even live in the Northwest and I am getting hipster-ed out.