Why would the Illuminati be involved? And why are you putting poor defenseless cats inside bags? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

And Donald Trump is actually Rene Zellweger.

No idea who this fool is, but "out of gas in the middle of the desert" is hilarious.

My dog figured out how to open the refrigerator on her own. I came home and she had completely cleared out $200 worth of groceries, and was lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by the remains of her kill, too stuffed to even get up and go hide under the bed. The butter tub was licked clean, literally everything…

"I have not slept in three days."

Screw the family in the last story. They deserved a table by the dumpster. Had my children made fun of a person with special needs, I would have made them apologize. I then would have picked up the family's check and my children would have then had that money deducted out of their allowances until the balance was…

Give him a break. He's confused because he himself shits out his mouth.

Why you gotta be like that, Uncle Phil?

There is a long, colorful, at times urban legendary list of horrible things servers do, can do, and have done, to punish customers for being asshats. A lot of it is wishful thinking or just hygienically not ok. But this....

Twilight is the story of an old stalker obsessing over a seemingly meek teenage girl. The stalker thinks he is totally responsible for her well-being and even tries to blame himself if anything happens to her, not believing that she can handle herself. But the girl is full of life, is not afraid and can make her own…

Ahh... Monday lunch, BCO, some vodka... life is good... now if i only had the vodka...

Oh, come on! Between this and Tom Hardy with his dog... This feels like it serves the same purpose as the "Hey Girl" Ryan Gosling memes. And he's a cop with probably a sexy foreign accent. Kill me now. Let me guess; he's great with kids, he cooks too, he's giving/passionate in bed and enjoys intellectually stimulating…

There used to be a Chinese restaurant nearby in Northern Virginia where we would order whole fish, Szechuan style. We went one night with friends and asked them to bring the largest fish they had. When they brought it out, it was arranged on the plate as if it was swimming towards us, and it was GINORMOUS. The husband…

Shut your mouth Burt I LOVED This Means War. It was just hilarious enough to be fun, and still silly enough to not require brain power. And I got to see Tom Hardy be sexy. #TomHardyForChristianGrey. (I'm totally kidding)