She’s in for a tough road, but make no mistake, she can handle it just like she’s handled all the difficulties of her life. Remember, she was raised on the South Side of Chicago by a father who was a blue-collar worker and a mother who stayed at home with her brother and her. She watched as her dad, who was her rock,…

I’m not American, nor live in America, but over here we’re aware of the global implications and the general horror that today brings. I’m sorry, you guys. x

I have a metric by which I measure my sobriety. If I ever find myself rocking out and really enjoying Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down I immediately cut myself off.

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

For my work, I move our employees from a home location to another location so they can work on projects/open offices/etc. To move a family from one location to another in two weeks is almost impossible. There is immigration considerations to consider, schooling if they have children, sale of houses/cars/furniture that…

“Why do we need Ambassadors. I mean they’re great guys, the best, but when I let everyone know about everything via Twitter using the best words, you know they’re tremendous words, what’s the need for them.

HE HAD CHEESE IN HIS MOUTH.

What about kids of parents that just really hate each other but are still married?

Someday, after I become ridiculously wealthy and successful, I will throw a fabulous annual holiday party called Fifth Christmas and only children whose parents are divorced will be allowed to come. And we will drink and be merry and bitch about our parents.

I’m a manager at a comic book shop, I guarantee every customer is going to say something tonight.

Princess Leia and Ripley were my brunette heroines in a vast sea of vapid 80's blondes. Anyone who can’t understand what they meant for girls of a certain generation can go jump in a lake.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to go light candles for the continued health and safety of Sigourney Weaver and Betty White.

Which is why, for the sake of everyone involved, I will take both. It is the only correct answer.

“This movie felt like a rebellion, like there were actual stakes...”

Poor Tiffany, even when she is standing right in front of her dad he will do everything he can to ignore her...

My cat hated our roomba. He would run away when it worked and hiss at it while it was docked. One day we came home and found a giant turd on said roomba. The cat won. We no longer have the roomba.

You do realize they were already sliding down hill, right?

I cannot wait for the impeachment/resignation/criminal charges thats gonna happen by 2018. Fuxsake the Donald is already screwing up international relations and is trading on his name and he hasn’t even been sworn in yet. The orangeade insipid dickface, his family, and all those asshole suck-up parasites are gonna…

As much as I’d like to equate her with a loony Trump supporter, it’s quite clear this girl suffers from some severe psychiatric problems.

Since this is a Dirtbag, may I present a Dirtbag Extraordinaire