My Big Fat Greek Webbing

More like ball bluement, amirite?

So this is what it's like when a story has no hero in it

Ray Rice gets two weeks (initially).

I don't know, Kyle. I think there may have been some ball movement on the part of Carmelo in the past...

Shockingly, the Manchester United fans came out strong on the offensive but had nary a defense for the counterattack.

Kannibal Killer Strikes Again! Devours Indonesian Children!

This is actually pretty great for both Suarez and the kids. He can impart on them the benefit of his wisdom teeth.

While it might suck for Suarez, it's got to be pretty cool for the teens who are sharing the pitch, right? Maybe they'll pick up some moves.

Give those kids a shmulligan.

Tweeting and fucking hashtags from an attorney regarding a rape case? My god, Jameis thinks that's petty and juvenile. It's also untimely. Why "reveal" this now and not when it happened? This is turning into an A1 clusterfuck of scumbags. Can't wait for more!

Who's she?

I think you're overstating it just a tad in the headline, Greg.

Either way, he, his arsenal of talent up front, and Manchester United are well and truly fucked.

Seems like y'all have gotten over it okay. To be fair, I wish he'd never left Knoxville to soil our greener pastures.