MLB instructed the home team to wear alternate jerseys so the president is the only obvious white national in the stadium.

Stop trying to make Pool Boys happen. 

Poor dude's only seen 27 championships.

Nobody stays alive to keep watching the winningest team ever keep winning, I call bullshit. Your grandfather is alive just to cheer against that immigrant Altuve, i bet 

Was the lunch you purchased a Little Ceasers Hot N Ready? Because this is what I’ve narrowed it down to from your post.

You got to buy Al Kaline lunch?  Nice!

Yes! I worked for a prominent midwestern franchise situated near a lake that moved into a new stadium around the turn of the millenium.

I’m going to strongly disagree with Drew on the wedding gift. If you’re in the wedding and you have to travel, then your presence (and the grand you sunk into everything) is your gift to the couple. Anyone who expects a gift after asking you to spend that much money to be a member of their wedding is an asshole and…

No mention of Jesse Marsch, the 1st American-born & raised coach in the Champions League?

Driving to Wisconsin from Illinois is exciting because Wisconsin is a fun state to visit for a weekend. There’s lakes, binge drinking, CHEEEESE, all the things you could really need to take a break from IL. Take the skyway into Indiana and see if you feel that same excitement...cause guess what, you don’t. You’re…

I know you guys hate this shit as much as we do, but can you please tell your bosses to go fuck themselves for the ridiculous amount of ads all over the place?

Ideally we can get rid of the major league games too. Just analyze the swings of each team’s hitters, the spin rate of each team’s pitchers, and declare a champion.

lol

“Well, this very classy goal in the Bundesliga is one thing, but I just don’t think we can ignore the importance of Jozy’s Zardes’ hold-up play.”-a weirdly large segment the vocal majority of American soccer media and probably most certainly the USMNT coaching staff and Gregg Berhalter himself.

I do enjoy the complaint about run-on sentences within a 96-word, full paragraph of a sentence.

The Poop Standard Selection Committee (me) has taken your point under advisement and determined it does not dole out participation trophies.

They already closed Charles Mulligan’s steakhouse. This is one cut too deep. 

Honestly, when he came here I found it somewhat encouraging. There were lots of empty seats, the crowd pictures were overwhelmingly white, middle- or senior-aged, overweight, and wholly uninspiring. Those interviewed came off as ignorant hicks or elderly dementia patients who can’t speak or articulate a coherent…

/Ohio math!

One of the most annoying things about Sanders coverage was the running line that he didn’t know what he was doing, he just had fantastic reactions or some such nonsense.