You’re better off not knowing, but if you have some free time, just do a search for her name on thishere website and well... take notes on your reactions and report back. ;)

I sincerely hope that was “pretentious writer code” for “I worked at Staples,” but I fear that she really, legitimately, literally worked in A PENCIL STORE and I don’t even know what to do with that.

I didn’t know anything about this before this Jez article (because I’m 44) but I read Natalie’s essay and just... holy shit, kids. Why are you like this?

High-five to my long-torso’d cousins, man. That bodysuit fad in the early 90s filled me with sadness because it was wedgie-o-rama for me. I finally found some one-piece swimsuits for longer torsos (LL Bean) but it was tough going for awhile.

Isn’t it amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t have to actually work to pay bills? I’m sure I’d be able to get advanced degrees and buy my way into an ancient boys’ club and climb mountains and probably go to the moon if I had that kind of cash handy.

You’re that fun one who points out all the things in movies that “couldn’t possibly happen,” aren’t you? Sometimes stories are fun - who cares if they’re 100% true or not? 

You had to go and say it out loud...

He’s what you get if Kinja is a person.

People who use “impact” as a verb make me want to impact my fist to their face.

Can we put a pin in this and circle back to it at a later point in time?

Co-signed. “Chik’n” fills me with carnivorous rage.

Have worked in marketing, can confirm.

If you have the Platonic ideal of a bean, do you really need more than one?

Most vegans are fine people. People like this particular vegan deserve everything that’s coming to them. 

How about “convicted rapist Brock Turner?” Nobody cares that he can swim.

Shut up, Brock’s Dad. Go eat a steak.

It’s just a little kick in the bum.

People are awesome sometimes!

Interesting! When I was searching for the exact wording (the way I recite it in my head is a bit more rhythmic) it came up as Ogden Nash but AllPoetry.com lists it as “anonymous.” 

I eat my peas with honey
I’ve done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.