PREACH.

My house is open-plan, so my kitchen is out there for all to see. When I cook Thanksgiving dinner, everyone is like “can I help?” But nooooo I have a very carefully choreographed ballet happening here, just go over there and drink some of my excellent beer that I made and ignore the fact that I am pretty much sticking…

I LIKE YOU

That... no. That requires far more thought about my brother’s ween than I am prepared to do. 

Same. Now every year for his birthday I send him a “congratulations, I have allowed you to live another year” card.

That, and he can always be counted on to bring decent beer, all of which I will drink.

We’ve all developed strong defenses against that. Sometimes a throat-punch is the only way to get your point across.

I was going to reply and make a comment about “50% or more of human knowledge” but I can’t stop laughing long enough to really get my point across.

It’s your brother? Just whack him with the grill tongs and then punch him in the throat. He’ll learn.

YES THIS.

Well, if I specifically ASK for a Roomba...

It is the Justin Bieber of posts. 

We need to think about their futures!

Oh boo fucking hoo. That and this are NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING and you know it.

Oh, I didn’t grow up this way! I moved to NJ at age 24 and happily embraced never having to pump gas ever again, unless I’m travelling alone and don’t have What’s-His-Name handy.  :)

How long would you have to wait, honestly? A few minutes? What’s-His-Name is a champion whiner about having to wait at the gas station and I’m like “are you curing cancer with that extra few minutes a week, buddy? No, you are not.” And if you’re in a self-serve situation where you have to get out of the car and go…

The gas station dudes are paid at least minimum wage. You *can* tip if you want to, but I don’t know anyone who does or anyone who has worked at a gas station that has gotten tipped, ever. 

LOL, no you don’t have to tip! That hasn’t been a thing in AGES. 

I honestly have no idea why people get so mad about not being able to pump gas here. IT’S BRILLIANT. I don’t have to get out of the car when it’s super-hot or super-cold or I don’t feel like it. I don’t have to get my hands dirty!

It’s definitely the law, but I’m not sure how strictly it’s enforced, with all the breweries popping up in NJ these days. Maybe they had a poster or a video?  I haven’t been to Double Nickel but Devil’s Creek has a video that serves as the tour, which I found hilarious.