I got married at 25. I’m 43 now and it seems to have worked out okay (he’s still alive and we like each other quite a bit, still). But I was also doing a pretty good job of acting like an adult at that age. I had a job and an apartment and an evil cat. So while I still made some pretty bad decisions, overall I was…

!!!!! The only thing she’s “too young” for at the moment is an AARP membership! Let her live and make her own decisions and mistakes!!

She’s what, 24? That’s a grown-up adult woman, right there. All this hand-wringing “she’s too young” nonsense is silly. She’s an adult and if that’s what she wants to do (or not), then it’s fine.

He lied about his age.

Yeah, I suggested that a certain portion of the populace (who would have to self-identify as such) set themselves on fire and got put in FB jail for 48 hours. It’s not like I named names! 

Literally every day. I spend a lot of time reporting shit to Facebook (because it’s necessary and sometimes fun) and they don’t do a damn thing about it. 

Well, he’s white.

I’m as fancy as the next lady, but I cannot do caviar or other fish eggs on my foods. The texture... ugh. Bleh. [shudder]

I can think about at least four ways to spend that kind of money that are a better idea.

Downy fresh cash!

I came here expecting this exact joke and damn, if you didn’t deliver it perfectly. Well done.

I’m pretty sure the English language is *thisclose* to just jumping off a bridge and letting is figure it out from here, with a mix of lolspeak, doge, and emojis.

That could make it worth it.

Also, I’m a little peeved I missed the first-date thread because I went on the worst first date ever: he took me to see Ernest Goes To Jail.

Literally no one, probably including Ivanka herself, wants her to be the UN Ambassador. 

The last time I drank tequila was in 1996. My BFF/roommate and I went to a party at a friend’s apartment. BFF was going to tell a boy she was in love with him, not knowing that he had chosen that occasion to announce his super-gayness. Whoops!

I’m pretty sure Gwyneth Paltrow is responsible for that. They are LITERALLY THE SAME DAMN THING but I am forever seeing yoga pants moms buying bone broth for double the price of stock. Just make your own, Judy. It’s not hard.

Commie.

The Fiery Thai Kettle chips, sure I’d shoot someone over those. But salt & vinegar? Please, take them far away from me.

So many layers... it’s an onion of stupid.